Feelings

I love him so much.
But I just can’t say a word.
I wish I could just hate him.
It would make things so much simpler.


But what would be really great
Is not to feel a thing.
Every time I see him,
My heart beats faster.


To hide that “passion”,
I just say that I hate him.
But it’s not true.


This great number of feelings
Just drives me nuts.
It’s him, my friends, my family…
All the people I know.


Sometimes I think about
Killing myself.
But that’s a problem, too.


I’m afraid of death,
Thought I loved it.
I have a big attraction to it,
But I don’t think I’ll embrace it
Anytime soon.


Of all these feelings,
Love, hate, passion…
Fear is the strongest.

I’m afraid of everything.
I’m afraid of love,
Afraid of death,
Afraid of my friends, my family…


But most of all,
I think I’m afraid of myself.
Afraid of who I am.
Afraid of who I can be.

Cátia Ribeiro